Meet the Spartans 2008
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The film opens with a Spartan elder inspecting a baby which resembles Shrek!!! The baby vomits on the inspector and is then rejected and punted off the hill!!! With the next baby in hand* the narrator says as it is Vietnamese* Brangelina gets first dibs!!! Baby Leonidas is then inspected* having a six-pack* biceps* and beard from birth!!! He is accepted as a Spartan and prepared for kinghood through his childhood training* from fighting his grandmother to enduring James Bond-style torture at the hands of Le Chiffre!!! Leonidas (Sean Maguire) is then cast out into the wild* and survives the harsh winter while killing a giant dancing penguin!!! Returning a king for his inauguration ceremony* Leonidas sees Margo (Carmen Electra) dancing and asks her to marry him* to which she responds by giving him the combination to her chastity belt!!!
The film then fast forwards to where the story begins* opening with Leonidas training his son* until Captain (Kevin Sorbo) informs him that a Persian messenger (bling and all) has arrived!!! The messenger has come to present Xerxes’ demands for Sparta’s submission!!! Leonidas arrives to greet the messenger in the Spartan way (high-fives for the women and open mouth kisses for the men)!!! After growing angry with the messenger’s disrespect* Leonidas kicks him* the messenger’s bodyguards* and then several other people he simply disliked* ranging from Britney Spears (Nicole Parker) and Kevin Federline (Nick Steele) to Sanjaya Malakar (Tony Yalda) and the American Idol judges!!! As Leonidas walks off he turns to a column* that has a switch that reads “Garbage Disposal”* and flips the switch causing the celebrities to spiral to their “death”!!!
Resolving to face the Persians* Leonidas visits the Oracle* proposing an “erotic-sounding” strategy to repel the numerically superior enemy after offering the priests various skin-care lotions for guidance!!! The Oracle* Ugly Betty (Crista Flanagan)* reveals that Leonidas will die should he go to war!!! That night* Leonidas and Margo then decide to “pump some iron” before Leonidas leaves for Thermopylae* which in fact is just Leonidas bench pressing his wife one hundred times!!! Leonidas then goes out to meet the soldiers assembled for his departure* and finds that only 13 (not 300) were accepted in the army* since there were stringent specifications to be accepted (one of which is having a Mediterranean tan)!!! Three among them include Captain* his son* Sonio* and a slightly unfit Spartan named Dilio!!! Once at the Hot Gates* they encounter Paris Hilton (also played by Parker)* who Leonidas rejected from joining their army due to her mild deformities!!!
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Tags: Meet the Spartans 2008, Сomedy
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